Had such a rubbish week

Thorson

So Tuesday was the day that my week couldn't have got any worse but it did

I don't want to go into details but me and my other half are both pretty down about what's happened, the problem is I'm struggling to get over it so to speak.

I just feel really unhappy and can't shake the feeling (it's playing on my mind a lot too which isn't helping). I also feel so sorry for the people affected by what's happened and my hearts breaking for them but there's nothing I can do or say (does that make sense?).

Anyone got any tips or ideas to help, maybe time will help as it's only been a day, who knows - life can be so tough and unfair sometimes.....

Thanks for reading

lady1964

I sympathise but without knowing what has caused you to have such a difficult week it's difficult to know what else to say.

Life can be unfair & tough, I'm sure most posters on these forums have experienced tough times and have had others affected by stuff that's happened, I know when things have been really tough for me, I've had sleepless nights where I've worried about others & myself.

I can only say that given time, things have improved and strength has been found to be able to move on, I hope this happens for you too.

Thorson

Someone I know has lost someone very close to them (in a pretty horrible way) it was a complete shock for them and totally unexpected.

I just feel so helpless for them and just can't imagine what they are going through which i think is why it's playing in my mind.

I'm the kind of person that likes to help people (no matter how small) and I just can't think of a way in this situation because nothing is really going to help is it?

NewShadow

Thorson wrote: »

I'm the kind of person that likes to help people (no matter how small) and I just can't think of a way in this situation because nothing is really going to help is it?

I'm sure there are things you can do.

When my Ex-MIL was diagnosed with cancer, my Ex and I moved in for a couple of months.

My Ex was focused on spending time with his mum, and felt useful by taking care of the dogs/garden. I kept the house clean and tidy, kept on top of washing and shopping, and always made sure there was food about.

When my nan died I did the same for my dad - made sure he got home from the pub safe, wasn't drinking alone, and ate at least one meal (made from actual food) each day.

I don't know your relationship with the bereaved, but there will be something 'real world' they're just not thinking about right now - it could be pets, could be spending time with the kids, could be shopping or cooking.

Don't ask, just unobtrusively start doing.

Thorson

Our relationship with the bereaved isn't close enough for us to take dinner round to them and help out with things without asking, if that makes sense.

It's just times like this make you think about life and how things can be taken away in the blink of an eye

Person_one

You can't fix it, but you can let them know you're thinking of them. Have you sent a card?

AnnieO1234

As harsh as this sounds, if your relationship isn't close enough to warrant you visiting with a meal (although to be honest I would do it for a stranger in these circumstances) then I feel you're worrying yourself too much. Don't be overburdened by what is effectively an acquaintance. Sorry but your health and well being must come first.

Maybe offer to babysit (if applicable) drive them somewhere if needed, recommend a funeral director or a solicitor to execute probate.

Be direct and ask them if there is something you could do.

If not, just let them know you're thinking of them and praying/positive thoughts whatever for them and their loved one.

Xxx

sheramber

Just being there for them is useful.

It is often easier to speak to someone nit directly involved in the situation.

So let the person you are there and willing to listen or help in any way.

As said above even everyday things like walking the dog or doing the washing/ironing can help.

Nicki

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

As harsh as this sounds, if your relationship isn't close enough to warrant you visiting with a meal (although to be honest I would do it for a stranger in these circumstances) then I feel you're worrying yourself too much. Don't be overburdened by what is effectively an acquaintance. Sorry but your health and well being must come first.

Maybe offer to babysit (if applicable) drive them somewhere if needed, recommend a funeral director or a solicitor to execute probate.

Be direct and ask them if there is something you could do.

If not, just let them know you're thinking of them and praying/positive thoughts whatever for them and their loved one.

Xxx

Just because OP's relationship with the family isn't close doesn't mean that she and her husband weren't close to the deceased, which would mean that their grief was completely appropriate.

Depending on the circumstances OP a card saying something nice about the deceased and showing sympathy for the family will be appreciated I'm sure. And take time yourselves to recover from the shock of a sudden death.

jobbingmusician

I can't imagine someone not close enough to cook a meal for. It's a very practical way of showing support, to my mind, and I would do it for anyone - for example, someone in the same social circle who I had never spoken to before, if I heard that they had lost someone unexpectedly.

Oh phew, I've just seen that Annie said she would do it for a stranger, too.

From my own experience I have discovered that when you are very shocked, because something awful has just happened, it can be very comforting indeed to be treated almost like a child, and to be helped with the day to day mundane responsibilities like cooking.

kingfisherblue

I know it sounds odd, but acknowledging that the person who has died did exist can help. It's horrible when people avoid saying anything about someone who has just died. For those left behind, it can be a relief that the subject isn't avoided. Even if you just send a card, a personal message can mean a lot. You could write in your favourite memory, or enclose a copy of a photo that you particularly like. I'm sure the recipient would appreciate that. Knowing that you care enough to send a personal message, rather than a few generic words, means so much.

In a card to a neighbour recently, I wrote that I will always remember Mr. Neighbour as a kind and gentle gentleman. His wife and son told me that they agreed the description fitted him, and they were pleased that I held that opinion of him.